It has occurred to me that many people out in public do not know how to treat parents, especially those with a new baby. I don't mean that they don't know hot to treat their wives, friends, family, or coworkers. I mean absolute strangers with babies. I'm talking completely random people at the store or restaurant.
Part of my realization came when I had my first son, part when I had my second, part developed from events I've witnessed out in public, and quite honestly part of this list stems from the mistakes I made before I ever had kids. I probably shouldn't say "mistakes I made before kids" because if you don't have kids, you don't always know what you are doing is actually considered inconsiderate. Instead I should call these things, "Things I didn't realize I shouldn't do to people who have kids until I had kids of my own", but I didn't because that's a long title.
Since I wanted to stay true to my "Top 5" Friday theme, this is an incredibly short list that could basically be endless in length. Therefore I welcome your comments on what you would add to this list and/or agree with from my list. And remember, this is purely based on my life and observations (in addition to a few horror stories from friends and family).
5. TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE; HONOR IT!
Dear Strangers: When you encounter a parent of a newborn (especially one that appears frazzled) work as quickly as possible and do not try to make small talk. New moms who get the luxury of being out in public for any amount of time are on the clock. Every second is like a ticking time bomb. Remember your role: You are a stranger. New mom hasn't even had a real conversation with her husband in weeks, she doesn't want to talk to a stranger for any length of time! She also doesn't need you to awkwardly end your stranger conversation with the phrase, "Be sure to take care of your baby" as if she's trying not to. (Ok, I'll be honest ... This one stemmed from my first time in public with Landon. At a Meijer. By an old lady selling Margarita mixes, which I eagerly took two samples of... Hey, even though they were dixie sized nonalcoholic samples they were the closest things I've had to a real drink in ten months. And who knew grapefruit margaritas would be so delicious?)
4. EXERCISE COMMON COURTESY
* If there is ever only one item left at the store and you will not die without it, let the new mom have it. This may just be her only trip to the store in months. These things include, but are not limited to: a loaf of bread, Mylicon, dish soap, bottle of wine, shopping cart (yes one of my friends once lost a battle over a shopping cart WHILE SHE HAD HER INFANT CARRIER IN HER HANDS!!!)
* Give up your seat in a waiting room or waiting area at a restaurant.
* If you are waking INTO a store and need a cart anyway, considering taking one from the Mom/Dad who just emptied theirs and have three screaming kids buckled into their carseats. That would save them a trip to the cart coral, which is never located close enough on the days its proximity matters most. And Dear Babies R Us: Invest in some cart corals. Of all places, you would think a baby store would have them!
* Hold the door for someone who has a baby carrier, stroller, army full of small children, or any other kid-related situation that looks stressful. And people in wheelchairs and walkers for that matter! And the elderly! Or healthy people who just so happen to have their hands full! In general, the American public should just think about holding more doors. Surprise someone today by holding the door for them and witness how it changes their demeanor! Then try counting how many doors you hold for other people per day. I believe every American should make it their goal to hold at least one door per day. Now I know this isn't asking much, but it could really start a behavioral revolution. Plus it's just common courtesy! Ok, sorry about the tangent but I'm passionate about this topic even when I don't have the little ones in tow. When going to work, I always have my hands full and after an entire year of high school only TWO kids ever held a door for me. Granted one of those two held the door for me numerous times. However, most teenagers just walk around with their heads down and earphones on, but that is grounds for an entirely different top five post on another day...
* And additional note: A pregnant chick will ALWAYS be grateful to you if you let her go ahead of you in the long bathroom line. Or even a short line. Or even when there is no line at all.
3. DO NOT COMMENT ON NEW MOM'S APPEARANCE
* If a new mom is wearing decent clothes and seems to have her hair done (aka looking anything better than thrown up in a sloppy pony) then she is probably doing well that day. Reaffirm her confidence and tell her she looks good. On the flip side, if new mom is wearing sweats and seems as though she just rolled out of bed (even though it is more likely that she has been OUT of bed for HOURS) do not comment at all. If you say she looks nice (in this condition) she knows you are being fake and feels worse about herself. If you say anything negative about her appearance, she might just start bawling because odds are she knows this is not her best look but she had to run out to the store for a butt cream emergency or because there were no groceries in the house and she probably barely even made it out of the door with all of the blow outs and clothing changes.
* Never comment on a woman's weight, unless it's positive. And even then, take note of your surroundings and only comment nicely if there are no other new moms around who you are NOT going to say something nice about. And above all else, abide by the golden rule of womanhood: NEVER ASK ANYONE IF THEY ARE PREGNANT!!!
Especially if they have a newborn with them. This, fortunately, has never happened to me but I did witness it once.
2. NO BABY/KID TOUCHING ALLOWED! (without permission)
* Never touch a random baby or child. Know your role: You are a stranger and this is plain creepy. More than anything, do not touch a child without permission, especially the bare skin of a child ... ESPECIALLY if you are a male sitting on a bench in the mall and the kid is a little girl wearing a skirt and you touch her legs. (Yes this is a true story.) In addition, moms typically want to keep their sleeping child sleeping out in public and do not want to go through the process of getting baby out of his or her car seat just so you can hold or see them. And a special note in honor of all the pregnant chicks out there: Hands off the belly!! Strangers should not randomly rub pregnant bellies. This has happened to me way too much and I would like to put a stop to it. I NEVER care if a friend or family member wants to touch my baby belly, but to the lady at the grocery store picking out a pumpkin back in '09 - your greasy hands did not need to wrap around my belly while my oldest son was it in. Although yes, I'll admit that it was nice of you to tell me that my baby bump was the best pumpkin in the aisle.
1. KEEP YOUR COMMENTS TO YOURSELF
* Under no circumstance should you ever disrespectfully comment about a stupid act that the new mom did. She has a case of what's called "Mommy Mind" which is piggybacked off of a nine month case of "Belly Brain", yet added on top of "Great Guilt", "Complete Confusion", "Extreme Exhaustion" and "Emotional Overload" so step off your high horse for a couple of minutes and keep your inside voice INSIDE. Know your role: You are a complete stranger. She doesn't need to hear your advice because she gets enough from her friends and family. (NOTE: Disregard all of this in the event of an emergency or in an extreme case when said mom actually ASKS for stranger's advice.)
* And yes, we new moms all know that the great moms before us did everything better and more efficiently... so there is no need to remind us. We are already busting our tails hard enough just to make ourselves look remotely normal doing something we have never done before. Cut us a little slack and just understand that we are trying as hard as we possibly can. After all (I'm talking to you lady at Meijer with the margaritas) we generally WANT to take care of our babies.
All in all, I hope that this little PSA will serve as a reminder that although many of us have gone through pregnancy and motherhood, we still do not have the right to infringe upon a random stranger's life. And maybe, just maybe, we can make it a little better by staying out of the way when necessary and helping out when necessary. I decided the other day that when I get old enough and these days are far behind me, I want to randomly pay for things for new moms who look stressed out at grocery stores and restaurants. After all, it would be good to pay it forward because in general people HAVE been very good to me too. :)
Thanks for reading.
