Fate, Disasters, and a 40 Week Check

Did you know that the word DISASTER comes from DIS and ASTER (meaning star) and therefore is Latin for ill-starred event? It makes a lot of sense bc the ancient people used to look to the stars for their fate. 

This applies to me right now bc none of my stars are aligned. Of course I've also been looking to God for my fate, but if He's talking to me I sure can't hear Him. 

Sigh... As you can tell my 40 week checkup tonight on baby #3 didn't go so well. The two doctors in the practice are married and on vacation for 9 days. That leaves the two midwives and one doc who only works at the Rossford practice to deliver this kid between now and Monday, July 7th... which would be five days past my due date.  The midwife on call tomorrow is the one I saw tonight and she is ALWAYS running late. If she were to deliver this kid, she would probably not even make it on time. At appointments she is usually 30 mins behind, but tonight I waited a solid HOUR for her. She was apologetic, but not overly and by then I was fuming anyway so it didn't matter. 

Turns out I was 1.5-2 centimeters after having been "fingertip to 1" at the past 3 checks, so I guess that's SOME kind of progress, but nothing too encouraging. 

The entire appointment was rushed and I was emotional, so nothing was accomplished. No membranes were scraped, no appointments were made (for either induction or a 41 week office check), and absolutely nothing was decided. Instead, I started crying and told her I'd call the office tomorrow after talking to my husband and my in-laws who have volunteered to watch the kids, but are going on vacation sometime soon.  Of course it's the holiday weekend, so the timing couldn't be worse... No one is home, no one is available to help, most people aren't even going to be able to visit me in the hospital, every freaking road is out around us for construction PLUS many roads will be shut down over the next three days due to local fireworks, it's quite likely a stranger will deliver this child, I'll likely be forced into having joint bday parties for Landon and this kid forever, and if the baby is born on the 4th I'll never be able to send him or her a card on the actual bday ... Ugggg, I know many of these things are trivial to you but for me it's a total mess. 

Now I have to either be patient for my body to evict this baby OR play God and choose when he or she will be born. I dislike both options, especially when I have to factor in so many other people's plans and lives when I think of the possibility of scheduling an induction. Everyone is busy, so there just isn't a good time. I suppose this is why I'm currently under the mindset of waiting it out and letting my body decide. However, with William and Landon once I set up my induction times I went naturally, so maybe that's the boost my body needs.  

Earlier I said this whole thing was a total mess. Let me rephrase that - I meant DISASTER. At least as far as logistics go.

All I can do is remind myself that what really matters is that we have a healthy baby. Better yet, a baby healthier than William and Landon, who were relatively healthy themselves although there were plenty of tongue-tied/jaundice/bili blanket/nursing issues with Will and a plethora of poop/rash/puking/nursing/allergy  problems with Landon. Maybe, just maybe, this baby will be clear of any minor issues.

That would seriously be amazing. I'll just focus on that vibe for now.  The rest of the logistical stuff can just work itself out. 

Ok, I feel... SLIGHTLY... better. I just needed to rant for a minute. Thanks for listening. And if you are a praying person, I would appreciate prayers for patience, understanding, and clarity in this chaos.

Day # - First Music and Books at Maumee, 1st Birthday Planning, and New Blog Action

William

• We went to the Maumee Library for our first music and reading class.  Afterwards we stayed and played puzzles for a long time.  Before leaving, William chose two books AND signed up for the summer reading program.  He even won a fortune cookie, a milkshake coupon, and a ticket to the BG/UT game for reading over one hour since the beginning of June.  I think he's going to LOVE this summer reading program.
• Registered him for "Kids in the Kitchen" on Thursday mornings during the summer YMCA session. I'm excited because my friend Joy's son will be in the same class with him.
• Registered him for Dino Camp in two weeks.  The camps at 1 1/2 hours at the YMCA for five days. He is going to LOVE it.  I also learned there is a Pirate camp... going to have to try that one too!
• Had him design a birthday card and envelope and pick the pictures we mailed to my brother Nate for his upcoming 30th birthday.

Landon

• The music and reading class is really for babies, so technically this course is more for him than William but they let William and other older siblings come along.  The room was packed to the gills of waddling/toddling babies and their parents, siblings, grandparents, etc. I don't think the number of people in the room was technically within code, but it was so much fun and a pleasure to see all of the babies clap and dance to the music.  We sang a couple of songs.  The only one I remember right now is Twinkle, Twinkle.
• I searched online for first birthday party supplies and some blogs about nautical party themes.  I found a new craft project I want to do for his party.  :)
• Note:  Today was the closest he has come to crawling.  He was not only in the table top position, but he also moved about two paces.  Maybe this is the weekend!

My Health

• I registered for a core class at the Y.  This is monumental because I haven't signed up for a SINGLE CLASS since we joined.  Neither has Dom.  Sadly, I have never even worked out there and he has only done so a couple of times.  So we've basically paid a monthly membership to send our kids to classes that we still have to pay for.  Oh well, I support the Y.  But now is the time to make my life change.  I am in desperate need of losing weight.  I have to gain energy, get back into some of my old clothes, and feel better about myself.  My friend Traci works out every day.  She has a system that works for her and the kids and I am going to join forces with her.  It will be SO MUCH BETTER now that I have a reliability partner.
• Started this blog again, dammit! That should count for something.

My House

• Well this area wasn't my forte today, but I did put away a couple of baskets full of laundry.  That shouldn't count though since it's a day to day task (like feeding/bathing/changing/cooking/showering/cleaning up after ourselves). So I guess I will just say this area suffered today, but I did search online for some organizational systems for our kitchen desk and drawers... with no luck.
• Oh yeah, I did search and narrow down some window treatment options for the den! See!  I did accomplish something.

My Students/Career

• I read a lot of tweeted blogs today on the debate on the new common core standards and a good one on "unlearning".  
• The Energy Bus is in the mail! Woop woop!

77 Days of Summer

(Insert the groan or cheer about my returning to writing here.)

I love that some people love to read my writing.  That makes me feel very special.  However, what I REALLY love about being back on the blog is the writing itself.  I know that somewhere deep inside me there is an author of something more than that one journal I had published in Middle Ground.  Yet I also know that person isn't going to come out of me until I make time to write... and that is probably not going to be until my kids are a little older.  Or who knows.  Maybe it will NEVER happen because if I am not making the time now, who is to say I will make the time later when life will be equally as hectic in other ways (bball games, practices, choir concerts, overnights, etc.)

So anyway, I am happy if you are happy that I am writing today but I am HAPPIER (no offense) for myself to be WRITING.  Writing is one of the few stress relievers I have and when I don't write, logically I am more stressed.  I don't always come in with a plan, even though my blog was set up to have a weekly one, but perhaps my subconscious plan is always to clear my mind.

So it's summer, and I am back.  There.  I state this boldly with every doubt in my mind.  However, I have determined that I am going to make the most out of this summer and try to knock out as many to-dos as I can, so I am going to record my days through SHORT posts and pictures.

I counted 77 days of summer.  That's a lot of time.  Why then have I felt like it is almost ending since the moment school got out?  Probably because I went right back to work to get more stuff done, and I still have many days of schoolwork to do.  Probably because I have another new prep next school year to prepare for.  Probably because every summer is over so quickly that I always look back and think, "What did we even DO?"  Probably because I have two little boys to entertain both for their sake and mine.

Today is Monday, June 10th.  Ok, that's a lie.  It's Friday the 14th - Happy Flag Day!  I was going to lie to you and pre date this entry because I am OCD about putting posts in order, but I guess it is also good to admit that the first time I MADE time to post about my week was at the end of it.

The only way to make a real change (and a change is what I need) is to openly admit what is going on and be truthful about life behind closed doors.  So I am opening my doors in hopes that what I write is something I can be proud to call my summer vacation of 2013.  Granted, I won't be doing any monumental tasks and the likelihood of that trip to Monterey, California is pretty slim.... so I probably won't be doing much in the way of traveling either, but I am an ALMOST full time stay at home mother over the summer, and I want to do a good job at that job AS WELL AS try to improve my health, the feel of our home, my teaching career, and most importantly - my areas of disorganization.  This may not seem like a lot to some of you - and it probably really isn't - but if I don't document what I have done, I might not feel obligated to WORK at it and I definitely won't reflect on it nearly as much.

Having said that, my goal is to do a quick update answering these questions every day:

What did I do today for: 

• William
• Landon
• Our Home
• My Health (Physical, Mental, Spiritual)
• My Students
• Others

Since it's NOT Monday, I am going to go back and create a blog for as many days of the week as I can before I hit the hay tonight.  Wish me luck on this venture.

Thanks for reading.

Prayers With Will

Last night, I shared with William the fact that a wonderful student and his family, Devon, needed our prayers. He only had a couple of questions about why he needed the prayers. We said his name after his usual prayers for Chuck E Cheese, the Giraffe Store, the Letter Store, and the Big Box Store.

Tonight, like every other night, I asked William for his prayer requests. And like every other night, he said, "Pray for Chuck E Cheese, the Giraffe Store, the Letter Store, and the Big Box Store." Then he added, "And pray for Simone's baby." (aka Baby Phillips, who will be Simone's baby brother or sister due to arrive any day!)

I asked him if he remembered about my student Devon from last night's prayers. He said he did and he remembered that, "Devon was sick, sick, sick."

When I said that was right, and that Devon and his Mommy, Daddy, younger sister, and younger brothers needed our prayers, he responded, "But don't worry mommy, he will get better. It just takes time. And you will have to be patient."

Oh to have that hope, faith, and naïveté again.

I kissed him on his forehead, sang him his lullaby (his choice was "The Santa Clause" one aka "Up On the Housetop", just slower), and recited, "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite" like every other night. Then, lump in throat, I left his bedroom.

I suppose William was more right than I thought at first. After all, he reminded me to be patient and that eventually he will get better. Maybe Devon won't get better, but maybe the rest of us will. It won't be today or tomorrow, and it definitely won't be on Friday when his adolescent body is laid to rest, but it will be one day. And I will need to be patient until that day comes.

Thank you, William. Your three year old wisdom has renewed my hope.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Even A GRATEFUL Heart Can Get You a Speeding Ticket

I posted this Facebook status update (copied below) shortly before the events of this blog took place:

"Every time I think life is at maximum difficulty, there is something else that gets thrown in our mix to shake things back up and God proves life could always get harder.

I am trying to live the life Joel Osteen states we can live in his book, "Make Every Day a Friday." He reminds me to say THANK YOU for the house we live in, despite the fact that so many things have broken or fallen apart since we bought it... THANK YOU for the two beautiful boys we have rather than complain about the fact that we sleep 4-5 hours a night and take them to the doctor's office multiple times a week... THANK YOU for the jobs we have that we love doing, even though we work all hours of the day when we aren't with our kids... and THANK YOU for the friends and family we have, even though we might not get to see them enough in person to tell them.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I know I am blessed."

This afternoon, as I was driving home, I was thinking about this post I had written shortly before leaving work, when I passed a church in Perrysburg with a sign that read, "A greatful heart is the key to joy."  Three thoughts struck me as I read the sign:

1. Dang it, I want that key to joy!!!
2. God put that sign there to reassure my Facebook post.
3. I was GRATEFUL I knew the correct spelling of the word GRATEFUL and wondered if the church had misspelled it on purpose when.......

          I got pulled over for speeding.

As the cop made his slow stroll toward my minivan, I tried to keep it together.  However, I lost the inner battle with my emotions and the tears started flowing.  (I blame it on my extreme fatigue and challenging week.) When Mr. Cop asked me why I was speeding, I made no mention of the ironic events I had seriously been pondering OR the grateful heart I was trying to have.  Instead I just cried, choked out my phone number, and told him I didn't know the speed limit. After checking my license, he asked if I still lived in Toledo.  I informed him we had recently moved here.

I'd like to say that the cop had a genuine concern for my tears and gave me a warning, but he did not.

I got the big blue bill.

As he gave me the ticket, he muttered, "Drive carefully", without making eye contact, and sent me on my blubbering way.  I am fairly certain he felt awkward since I was sobbing (the flood gate had burst), but I don't blame him.  There is probably a sign in his Perrysburg office that reads, "If you give every mother who cries a warning, we'll never make any money in this town"... so I forgive him.  He was just doing his job.

At first I was angry and sad.  I don't really care a lot about the ticket.  The money can always be justified by statements like:

• "Think of all the times I haven't got caught speeding!" 
• "It's the first ticket I've gotten in almost ten years." 
• "Dominic doesn't care. In fact, he won $200 dollars at work today which should cover it."
• "This shouldn't put too big of a dent in my insurance."  
• and the always encouraging, "At least we don't have a car payment!"

I think I was just angry and sad because it's embarrassing to get a ticket... and because I had just posted that life can always get harder.

So that brings me back to my grateful heart, which if you recall is supposed to be the key to JOY.

Here goes:
I am GRATEFUL to be an able-bodied citizen who can operate a motor vehicle... even if it is sometimes at too fast of a pace.
I am GRATEFUL to have a car to drive that allowed me to get pulled over.
I am GRATEFUL that our society has police officers who keep us safe from others... including ourselves. 
I am GRATEFUL that at the end of the day I can smile about this whole thing and know that it's not that big of a deal.

Frustrated!

Landon has been on Nutramagin AA since Tuesday night. Prior to formula, he pooped approximately ten times a day. Obviously that was cause for concern.

However, since he's been on formula he seems to be getting worse. He is far more irritable and has become increasingly more constipated. The past 48 hours have been filled with grunts, groans, screams, and blowouts after he finally does poop. The past three stools he has produced have been solid, which I'd alarming because he is still on a liquid diet since we have yet to start him on cereal due to these allergy issues. Last night he produced quite a few soft pebble like stools and bled during the movement.

Poor little one. He is so uncomfortably backed up. Now we are waiting to hear back from the Pediatrician - AGAIN.

We are so tired of waiting and wondering. Please continue to pray we find answers soon.

Totally Out of Left Field...

The results are in:  Landon's blood was tested for over two dozen food allergies.  Milk protein and soy beans both checked out ok, so the peanuts were the only things that needed to be mentioned on Wednesday's voice mail.  I was on the phone with the pediatrician's office seven times today.  What I was told was that he still needs to continue on the Nutramagin AA that he was started on last Monday and that since my frozen supply is only separated by dairy and non-dairy with no mention at all of peanuts or peanut products, I will not be able to use any of the bags I have in the freezer.  Knife to the gut.  The mourning process for this will just have to take place later.  I believe it will consist of me walking outside, screaming at the top of my lungs for five straight minutes and then coming inside with the hopes that I won't have to be the one to remove the over three gallons of milk from the deep freezer.  And then I will need to move on, because that's where this is going.

 

I'm still reeling from the fact that Landon was diagnosed with a slight peanut allergy, even though the term SLIGHT is a bit more reassuring than it would be without that adjective.  Now, granted, he could quite likely outgrow this by the age of two... but we need to be very careful. And he won't be able to have any peanuts or peanut products for the first two years of life.  

What did I know about peanut allergies before I learned that my son has one?

                I knew:

• The allergy is more common today than it was in years’ past.
• Peanuts and peanut products are in many food items.
• It is really scary and can potentially be life-threatening.

                I had heard:

• Peanut allergies had to run in families.  – WRONG
• Both staying away from peanuts AND eating peanuts while pregnant could lead to peanut allergies. – At least one of these HAS to be wrong... and later I learned that neither one of them are really true.
• It would never happen to me or my kids. – WRONG 

Now where do we go from here?  Well, I will tell you what... it's a scary journey and I am not sure I know what I am doing.  I will continue to monitor him closely (of course) and further educate myself on this allergy.  That's all I can do for now.